Raquel Silberman: Poetry Collection

Self Doubt

I am unclear before I am sane by Raquel Silberman 

then, one sane instant brings clarity: 

One clarifying instant brings sanity 

I sweat until the sweat becomes annoyed with me, 

I breathe for the first time and the air thanks me. 

I am a praying mantis on a cliff top 

extending an olive branch to my dear friend, fear. 

I am a hot air balloon who will never meet the ground again, 

who will roam the unknown endlessly, pointlessly. 

I will the legs beneath me to show me they are alive, awake, willing. 

I remember what it is like to faint, where millions of voices becomes one incoherent bumblebee circling my head, and my vision becomes a blurry vignette struggling no to engulf the painting I admire: “Real Life.” 

I am a seagull tempting fate on the surface of the ocean, 

each time I dip my beak in the salt water, a fish goes into shock and I digest it like a rock. I am also the phone on the wall, loud and obnoxious, pick me up and slam me back into place. Pretend I am not there. Forget I am even there. 

I am my own villain in disguise only that disguise is a fishnet and I am a poor clueless trout. I like to think I blend in like a queen bee in her hive, different enough to be worshiped. But I am more like the odd leaf on a fall tree, the first to change, 

the first to fall and hit rock bottom. 

I am the annoyance, the thanks, the friend bellow the clifftop that reaches out, I am the odd bird in the sky that hits a hot air balloon, I am the needles in my legs when they fall asleep, the mint jammed in my mouth that brings me back to the painting, I am the rock in my throat and the slammed phone on the wall, I am the villain to my own demise and the beekeeper who takes the queen in an open palm, I am the moment I hit the floor and everything becomes clear, and I become sane.

About the Author:

Raquel is a Junior at Ruth Asawa School of the Arts who finds comfort in exploring and writing fiction of all kinds. Raquel was born and raised in San Francisco. Along with her cat, her home city is one of her favorite things to write about.