As I sat perched on the very right corner of my parent's bed, tears nearly bursting out of my eyes, my dad confronted me about getting a B on a math test. Panic mode had set in. The world felt as if it was going to end. My poor performance leading to my fathers disappointment and anger. As the words left his mouth, shock filled my brain. The punishment I had set myself up for had not appeared. Yet, I could never fully grasp that concept. My father stood there alongside me, reassuring me that I had not failed him and that I had not ruined everything. But in my world I had. The little nagging voice in my head screeched, “NO! He's wrong! You failed! You didn’t get an A!”
It had come down to be just one test that had gone wrong. Getting a B in 5th-grade math did not mean that everyone was going to reject me for the rest of my life because I did normally. Nevertheless I continuously questioned and ridiculed myself. This process would follow me my entire life, forcing myself to believe that success always meant pushing yourself to 100%, to the top of the pyramid.
In ancient Egypt a hierarchical system structured the ways of living. With the pharaoh at the top followed by nobles, priests, scribes, artisans, and farmers. Advancement within this social hierarchy often depended on one's achievements, such as military victories or success in administrative roles. Despite the fact that many countries in the modern world don’t instill a hierarchy, many individuals feel pressure to get to the top. Whether that be to assume the position of CEO, be honored with the title of valedictorian, lead the nation, or be awarded with being the best at a job, the frequent crave for validation is apparent.
Striving for success can lead a person to growth and failure. Several times one's gain becomes another's loss. Yet, many will go to extreme lengths to cover this up. I began to adapt this approach at a young age. I believed everything I did had to be perfect; perfect grades, perfect friends, perfect life. If something wasn’t perfect, then I had to cover it up or do something extraordinary that would outweigh the slight imperfection. In 8th grade when I had toxic friendships I could not force myself to leave them. While I was able to recognize that these friends were horrible for my mental health and constantly making me feel horrendous, the thought of having no friends was horrifying. I would have rather had a group of friends, like everyone else, than have no one and be truly happy. So from then on I began faking my friendships with them, so to others it seemed as if I was succeeding . This applied to many other areas of my life as well.
But can covering up imperfections, mistakes, and “flaws” lead to true fulfillment? Does it actually produce success? When choosing to measure success against others, accuracy is never guaranteed. However, comparing one's personal development against others has become exceedingly normalized within society, to the point where it has become human nature. Just as the Egyptians had their hierarchical system, cultural norms of competition and achievement have been idolized to produce success in the modern day. Still, this success also produces stress, insecurity, pressure, less collaboration, and a narrow definition of what success may be; leading numerous individuals to climb up the steps of the mental world pyramid, to get to a place that may not even be the best. An exhausting process that must stop, yet is so addicting.
Individuals drive themselves to extreme lengths to feel the craved validation of success. Starting from young, teenagers are programmed to push themselves to go to the best college. This creates a toxic comparison culture of always feeling as if your peers are your competition, not just a friend, a result of the success pyramid. However this pyramid of success is never going to be accurate since everyone has different limits they can push themselves to. Just because one person was able to find a cure to cancer, take 15 AP classes, be a 4 year varsity athlete and maintain perfect grades doesn’t mean that they are happy and it doesn’t mean that their friend next to them can do the same. Nonetheless, that doesn’t make them any less of a person. That individual is just at their own point on the pyramid. As students go to college this pressure of comparison follows them as they take each step to their job which is another climb to the top. Extreme actions taken to get there. Within this process individuals voluntarily put immense amounts of stress on themselves to the point where they morphed into someone who they may not even recognize. They may even damage themselves so they can get to the top and see the whole view.
When reaching the top of the pyramid many will feel accomplished. It's a hard feat. Standing up there, admiring the view along with the personal accomplishment of getting to the top can be seen. Despite that, this view is not necessarily the best one. While seeing the vast land around, there is an inability to see the beauty upon which you are standing to its full potential. And while being at the bottom may not offer the best view either, the middle may be the best compromise. Displaying the colossal world around, while also observing the grand achievement of the middle.
To decrease the ample amounts of stress, pressure, insecurity, and the narrow definition of what success can be, from societal norms collaboration is key. Fostering positive environments where coworkers can support each other's successes at various levels is vital. This will allow individuals to appreciate their work, feeling confident in their success no matter where they stand on the pyramid.
Although, this will take a while to implement. So, when looking at our community where everyone is living their life to the supposed max, it is essential to remember that this life is curated. Fake. As someone succeeds in one thing, they will fail at another. No person is perfect. Yet we are set to believe, through media and society, that everyone has a perfect front. Which led my younger self and everyone else to believe that everything I did had to be perfect. What would happen to society if we lived our lives? We could be individuals and be happy. Individuals would be able to recognize that there is no part better than another.
About the Author:
Sophia Rubel is a Junior in Northern California. She enjoys going to the beach, spending time with her friends and baking.
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